Chapter 15: Assassination by Yan People

This Is Ridiculous Chapter 15

Assassination by Yan People

In the pitch-black rain, a figure gradually emerged, step by step, onto the fragmented hall of pleasure.

The disguise on her face had been washed away by the rain, her wet long hair clinging to her pale face, and the coldness in her eyes from the moment she fired the shot had not yet dissipated.

She didn’t wait for him to return.

She came to find him, just like that night long, long ago.

That day, An Xian suddenly said to him, “The concubine Yu who is coming to serve tonight is a bit unusual. Her makeup and attire are very different from usual…”

He didn’t understand, “What do you mean?”

An Xian was stunned, “Your Majesty instructed the servant that if any concubine coming to serve is different from before, the servant should report to Your Majesty.”

He then remembered that it was an instruction from a long time ago. Back then, he had not given up on finding his fellow traveler. Over the years, he himself had almost forgotten.

In any case, he still followed the procedure. Feeling the woman kneeling by the bed, he spoke, “Get out.”

Then he acted like someone who had just arrived, asking the guard, “Will she die if she doesn’t stay to serve?”

If the other party was a traveler, they should react upon hearing this.

He dismissed the guard. Through the bed curtain, the woman remained motionless.

Xiahou Dan smiled self-deprecatingly.

At that moment, a fair little hand lifted the bed curtain.

Indeed, the other party was dressed gorgeously, but she had a pair of very clean eyes.

He no longer believed in anything clean. But he didn’t want to easily erase those eyes, so he calmly let her make a bed on the floor and settle for the night.

After a moment of silence, he heard a trembling voice, “How are you?

Xiahou Dan smiled at her, “You came.”

Yu Wan Yin knelt before him, her hands trembling as she tore a piece of cloth to bandage his chest wound, “It’s okay, it’s just a minor injury, stop the bleeding and it’ll be fine…”

“Wan Yin.” Xiahou Dan looked at her, “I have something to confess to you.”

His lips were pale, and his words sounded like the opening of a dying declaration. Yu Wan Yin’s eyes immediately reddened, “Don’t say that! Hold it in and wait until we get back alive!”

Xiahou Dan laughed, “Afraid I’ll die after saying it?”

“Shut up!”

“Don’t worry,” he said, “I won’t die until you agree. I haven’t fulfilled your dream yet…”

His words were abruptly cut off.

Yu Wan Yin couldn’t stop him, so she used another way to silence him.

Xiahou Dan couldn’t remember when his senses started to numb. Perhaps it was the first day he arrived, or the day he killed someone, or maybe after days of headaches, his body initiated a self-protection mechanism.

But at this moment, he was reborn into this strange world again.

The sound of rain was deafening, as if someone had lifted a soundproof curtain.

All the pain in his body intensified a thousandfold, every nerve screaming with burning sensation.

Her lips seemed forged from lava. The strong taste of iron rust spread from his throat, mingling with their entwined lips and tongues, not knowing who was giving whom a mouthful of blood.

His body reflexively recoiled as if to avoid the flame. Xiahou Dan, however, tensed his muscles, instead leaning forward, raising his hand to grip the back of her neck.

The torrential rain shattered the dust of three thousand worlds; on the ground, someone was dying, someone was kissing.

Until Yu Wan Yin couldn’t breathe, she struggled slightly.

Xiahou Dan released her, smiling, “Sweet.”

Yu Wan Yin: “…”

You are quite something, aren’t you?

She crazily leaned in, wanting to go again.

Bei Zhou: “Excuse me.”

Bei Zhou had blood at the corner of his mouth, slightly injured internally.

The two dark guards Yu Wan Yin brought up had played a crucial role at a critical moment, helping him subdue Tur. Bei Zhou, dragging the tied-up Tur, stood aside patiently watching their reluctant separation, not knowing how long he had waited before politely interrupting.

The two dark guards were checking the casualties in the hall. Several guards who hadn’t died were being helped up and treated. They also found two Yan people who hadn’t stopped breathing, tied them up, and threw them beside Tur.

Yu Wan Yin suddenly came back to her senses, turned around awkwardly. Bei Zhou noticed Xiahou Dan’s chest wound, his face changed, “Dan’er!”

Xiahou Dan was wearing a black dragon robe, the bloodstains weren’t visible, but the cloth Yu Wan Yin used to bandage him was completely dyed red.

Xiahou Dan looked down, “It’s nothing.”

Bei Zhou’s face was grim, with one hand hovering over Tur’s crown: “There’s no need to keep this person, right?”

Tur hadn’t expected this meticulously planned operation, taking full advantage of the situation, to end in defeat. He was now utterly dejected, with only his sunken eyes glaring fixedly at Xiahou Dan, two ghostly flames burning within them.

He spat, “As expected, the people of Xia only have deceitful weapons and androgynous freaks.”

Bei Zhou struggled to restrain his urge to strike, “Dan’er, should I kill him?”

“Kill him!” A sharp female voice suddenly rang out from the corner.

Yu Wan Yin was startled and then noticed the disheveled Empress Dowager sitting on the ground.

Empress Dowager: “Why keep him? So he can collude with Prince Duan inside and out!”

Xiahou Dan said in surprise, “I almost forgot you were still alive.”

Empress Dowager: “…”

Xiahou Dan had completely severed ties before this assassination attempt began, and he had no intention of mending them now. Without even looking at the Empress Dowager, he stared at Tur, falling into brief contemplation.

Yu Wan Yin, distracted by the interruption, returned her thoughts to the present situation. Prince Duan’s men were still lurking in the woods, unable to see what was happening in the hall, and would not attack directly for the time being. But after a while, if there was still no movement, they would come to investigate.

What would they do if they discovered Xiahou Dan was still alive? At this point, would they stop at nothing and go ahead with regicide, blaming it on the Yan people?

Bei Zhou obviously thought of this too, glancing outside, “In a direct confrontation now, I have no chance of winning.”

Yu Wan Yin, wary of the Empress Dowager, whispered, “Yang Duo Jie has gone to summon the imperial guards.”

Xiahou Dan: “The imperial guards might not be mobilized.”

Yu Wan Yin: “I trust his persuasion.”

Xiahou Dan laughed, “Then we wait.”

Tur suddenly chuckled, “No need to waste your efforts.”

He stared at Xiahou Dan’s chest, malicious joy in his eyes, “You’ll die soon. We coated our weapons with Qiang poison. Your wound won’t heal; your blood will keep flowing, keep flowing, until you’re drained dry.”

Yu Wan Yin’s face turned pale.

Bei Zhou grabbed Tur’s collar, “Where’s the antidote?”

Tur laughed loudly.

Knowing he was at death’s door, he wanted to savor their suffering, “Just like that Wang Zhao! Why are you looking at me like that? Of course he’s dead, ambushed and killed with the real delegation halfway here, haha, died miserably, crawling on the ground, craning his neck towards Xia before his last breath!”

Yu Wan Yin trembled all over.

A cold hand grasped her wrist.

Xiahou Dan used her support to stand, picking up a sword from the ground, walking shakily towards Tur, leaving bloody footprints with each step.

But he passed Tur, raising his sword towards another Yan person.

The Yan person screamed.

Another scream followed.

Xiahou Dan mechanically raised the sword and stabbed down, each time avoiding vital spots, until the Yan person’s intestines spilled out, screaming like a slaughtered pig.

Yu Wan Yin covered her mouth and turned away.

A few drops of hot blood splashed onto Tur’s face. His pupils contracted, and he struggled violently, “Xiahou Dan! Are you still a king? Let them go, come at me if you dare!”

Xiahou Dan’s sword got stuck between the ribs of his target, and he couldn’t pull it out. He bent down to pick up another sword, switching to another Yan person, continuing his bloody task.

Tur raged impotently, cursing incoherently.

Xiahou Dan raised his sword again but couldn’t bring it down. Yu Wan Yin hugged him from behind, her voice trembling, “Stop, you can’t bleed anymore…”

Xiahou Dan paused. In that moment, Bei Zhou moved like lightning, giving the two men a swift death.

Xiahou Dan exhaled, releasing his grip, and the long sword clanged as it fell to the ground.

He struggled to stay upright, sliding down, not wanting to collapse in front of Tur. Yu Wan Yin sensed it, holding him up, signaling the dark guards.

A dark guard brought a chair from the hall and helped Xiahou Dan sit. When Yu Wan Yin let go, she found her hands covered in dark blood.

She gritted her teeth and wiped her hands behind her back.

Xiahou Dan lowered his gaze, looking calmly at the red-eyed Tur, and began to speak peacefully, “Wang Zhao’s mission was a secret. Even his parents didn’t know the truth. I told him it was dangerous and that he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to.”

Tu’er hadn’t expected him to start saying this after his frenzy and stared at him, puzzled.

“He said peace talks were a national priority, and he had to go. If anything happened, he asked me to inform his parents and give him a proper burial so his soul could return home.”

Xiahou Dan looked at Tur, “I want him to die with honor, to comfort his spirit in heaven.”

Tur: “?”

Xiahou Dan said something Tur never expected, “Now, let’s negotiate.”

Apart from Yu Wan Yin, everyone alive doubted their ears.

The silence in the room was broken by the Empress Dowager’s cursing. Her sanity was on the brink of collapse as she dragged her injured leg, crawling toward them, seemingly intent on killing Tur herself.

Xiahou Dan briefly instructed the dark guards, “Take care of the Empress Dowager.”

The Empress Dowager was taken care of.

Xiahou Dan: “Wan Yin, give the gun to Uncle Bei and have him watch the door.”

Yu Wan Yin looked at him worriedly, and Xiahou Dan gave her a reassuring smile: he knew what he was doing.

Tur: “What nonsense are you talking about? You’re a dead man, I’m a desperate fugitive, what negotiation?”

Xiahou Dan remained calm, “Indeed. Consider it a dying man’s dream talk. By this time tomorrow, my dear brother and your dear uncle should be raising a toast.”

Unbeknownst to them, the streets and alleys of the capital were now empty, turned into a ghost town by the heavy rain. The people, living under the emperor’s foot, had an animal-like instinct for change and had all closed their doors and windows, hiding inside their homes.

Yang Duo Jie shook the shackles on his hand, “Brother, where are you from?”

The deputy commander sitting in front of him was munching on melon seeds, ignoring him.

This man had been promoted by Zhao Wucheng. Zhao Wucheng had ordered him to detain and interrogate Yang Duo Jie, but he knew that this person only needed to be detained, not interrogated. Dragging it out would ensure the emperor on the mountain would die.

Yang Duo Jie smiled, “Brother, since we have met, it’s fate. Since there’s nothing to do, how about I tell you a story?”

The deputy commander spat out a melon seed shell and looked out the window at the rain.

Yang Duo Jie continued regardless, “Once, when Cao Cao was campaigning against Yuan Shu, there was a severe drought, and the army ran out of food. The grain officer asked Cao Cao what to do since everyone had nothing to eat. Cao Cao said, ‘You change the large measures to small ones and distribute them.’ The grain officer then asked what to do if the soldiers became resentful. Cao Cao said not to worry, he had a plan.”

The sound of munching on melon seeds slowed down.

Yang Duo Jie acted as if he didn’t notice, “As expected, reducing the rations made the soldiers furious. Cao Cao told the grain officer, ‘I need to borrow something from you to stabilize the army’s morale—your head.’ The grain officer was shocked and protested his innocence, but Cao Cao was equally helpless, ‘I know you’re innocent, but if I don’t kill you, should I kill myself?'”

A flash of lightning illuminated the window, followed by a thunderclap that seemed to strike directly above them.

The deputy commander: “…”

The deputy commander sneered, “What are you trying to say with all these twists and turns?”

Yang Duo Jie clicked his tongue, shaking his head, “Brother, you suffer because you haven’t read enough. Zhao Wucheng could have just had you watch over me, so why did he order you to ‘interrogate’ me publicly?”

The deputy commander was taken aback.

Yang Duo Jie: “Failure to rescue the emperor will result in someone losing their head, right? Even if the emperor dies, Prince Duan will demand accountability to make a show of it. Zhao Wucheng, being Prince Duan’s dog, will be fine, but the one to suffer will be the one who failed to interrogate and delayed the military action.”

He continued leisurely, “The moment Zhao Wucheng gave the order, brother, your head was already borrowed.”

The deputy commander laughed heartily, “Your attempts to sow discord are too obvious. Do you really think I’ll fall for it?”

Yang Duo Jie shrugged, “Believe it or not, everyone has their fate.”

The deputy commander snapped, “Then shut up!”

Yang Duo Jie indeed shut up, not saying another word.

The deputy commander finished half a plate of melon seeds, glancing at him repeatedly, finally unable to resist asking, “If what you say is true, how should I deal with it?”

Yang Duo Jie kept his mouth tightly shut.

The deputy commander slapped the table, “Speak!”

Yang Duo Jie sneered, “It’s really ungracious to beg for advice without showing proper respect…”

The deputy commander drew his sword and placed it against Yang Duo Jie’s neck, “I can be even more ungracious. Speak!”

“Fine, fine.” Yang Duo Jie shrank his neck, “I’ve heard Zhao Wucheng doesn’t handle matters himself. Who assists him with daily affairs? Can you get the military seal?”

At the Pleasure Hall.

Tur: “What do you mean? If the peace talks fail, why would Zhaluo Wahan celebrate?”

Xiahou Dan smiled, “You really don’t get it? Even now, you think the Yan King is unaware of your assassination attempt?”

“We left a diversion—”

“That old fox has been on the throne for decades. Do you think he could be fooled by a simple diversion for so long?”

Tur was at a loss for words.

He recalled the sachet “left behind by chance” by the Qiang Queen and the unusually lax defenses during his escape.

Xiahou Dan: “After years of war, Yan’s morale is low, and they’re losing ground. You didn’t notice, but Zhaluo Wahan did: the people are tired of fighting. He hates Xia, and peace talks were a temporary measure. He needs time to recover and a new pretext to incite the public to war.”

There was a faint mockery in his voice, “Isn’t it convenient that last time the pretext was Shan Yi, and this time it’s you.”

These words hit Tur like a bomb.

He tensed up, “How dare you mention her?”

“Why wouldn’t I? She tried to kill me. Should I have just let her?”

“Shut up!” Tur roared, muscles bulging as he broke free from his restraints and lunged at Xiahou Dan, only to be subdued halfway by the dark guards. Pinned to the ground, he continued to struggle, “Even now, you’re still lying. This so-called assassination is all your fabrication!”

Xiahou Dan raised an eyebrow, “The dagger she used was quite exquisite, with a handle carved with deer and flowers.”

Tur froze.

Yu Wan Yin half-opened her mouth in shock.

How did Xiahou Dan know such details of this long-buried palace secret? Was it written in the original text? Hadn’t he skimmed the document?

Tur’s reaction confirmed the truth of the details.

Xiahou Dan: “A weak girl like Shan Yi wouldn’t attempt assassination without a reason. Who ordered her? And how did they persuade her—threats, coercion, or holding someone she loved hostage?”

He let the silence linger, then looked at the back of Tur’s head with pity, “It’s tragic, being a puppet without realizing it, unable to save the woman you love, and not even finding your real enemy. You thought you came to assassinate me unnoticed? No, you were sent by the Yan King, just like Shan Yi. Dying in the Xia Palace is far more valuable than in his hands. When the news reaches Yan, he can weep bitterly and call for Xia’s blood in revenge.”

Tur laughed hoarsely.

“You say I’m a puppet?” He glared at Xiahou Dan with bloodshot eyes, “Aren’t you one too?”

“Of course I am.” Xiahou Dan didn’t blink, “In my youth, I also thought I could break free from their control. Later, I realized every decision I made, every act of defiance, played into their hands. I am their puppet, their weapon for killing…”

He glanced at the Empress Dowager.

The Empress Dowager shivered.

Xiahou Dan looked away, “We are quite similar. But I’m not content. I won’t pretend to know nothing, won’t blindly accept fate, and deceive myself, claiming there’s no other choice—are you content?”

Those words…

Yu Wan Yin thought, as if each word was chewed and spit out with blood.

To Tur, they were a storm.

Deceiving oneself.

He couldn’t help but ask: Do I really know nothing?

Years ago, when his uncle shamelessly said, “She is the most suitable,” how did he respond?

Years later, the sachet, the lax defenses, all those anomalies—had he not seen them, or had he deliberately ignored them? Believing this mutual destruction would be revenge fulfilled, going to his grave with a smile—yet not daring to look back even once before dying.

So that’s how it was, he suddenly realized.

So, I, the greatest warrior of Yan, have always feared Zhaluo Wahan.

Xiahou Dan abruptly changed the topic, “What a pity, a pity I’m dying. Otherwise, I could send someone to help you kill Zhaluo Wahan. But now, with the crime of regicide, you won’t even make it out of Xia alive.”

Tur: “…”

Tur: “…”

Yu Wan Yin seemed to hear the gears in his brain spinning furiously.

After a long pause, he said with hatred, “I really don’t have the antidote. That Qiang woman only gave the poison. Can you have the imperial physician think of something?”

Xiahou Dan: “…”

Xiahou Dan: “Then pray for me.”

By the door, Bei Zhou suddenly knelt, pressing his ear to the ground, “A large group is coming up the mountain, it should be the imperial guards.”

Before anyone could breathe a sigh of relief, he quickly stood up and fired a shot outside.

“The ambushers in the forest are coming. We need to escape and hold out until the imperial guards arrive.”

Escape? But where to?

Yu Wan Yin suddenly turned towards the back door, making a quick decision, “Into the underground palace!”

Looking out from the rear door of the Pleasure Hall, the entrance to the unfinished underground palace was only a hundred meters away.

Bei Zhou fired two more shots, watching as shadows emerged from the forest, constantly pouring in, yet no reinforcements were in sight. With ammunition running low, he shouted, “Move.”

Bei Zhou carried Xiahou Dan, one dark guard took the Empress Dowager, another dragged Tur, and with a few injured men, they headed for the back door.

Enemies converged from all sides; Prince Duan’s ambushers seemed to have decided to go all out, sending everyone in now that the mission was on the verge of failure.

Rain poured down as Yu Wan Yin sprinted the hundred meters.

The tomb passage was still under construction; the entrance was not fully paved with bricks, and the muddy ground had turned into puddles. Stepping into the water, her foot sank deeply into the muck, forcing her to pull it out with effort.

The fastest pursuers had already drawn within firing range, launching a variety of concealed weapons. The injured trailing behind screamed in pain, serving as human shields.

Bei Zhou, carrying someone, still led the way, almost floating across the water, stepping onto the stone steps of the tomb passage, and ran down without looking back. Yu Wan Yin followed through the water, hearing another heart-wrenching scream as the Empress Dowager was also hit.

She, having read tomb raiding novels on her way to work, knew that all underground palaces had a stone door with locking mechanisms to prevent grave robbers. It couldn’t be opened from the outside in a short time. But once inside, there was no retreat; if the door was breached, they’d be trapped.

The situation left no choice; she crossed the stairs three at a time, directing, “To the main chamber!”

Vision dimmed as they finally entered the underground palace.

Bei Zhou, using his full strength, dashed to the largest chamber in the dark, kicked at the top stone door.

The top stone door slowly tipped over, resembling a massive domino, pushing the heavy stone door to gradually close.

The others rushed in, squeezing through the narrowing gap. The door slammed shut with a bang, the top stone door fitting into the groove, forming a triangle with the stone door and the floor.

The last sliver of light vanished, plunging the chamber into darkness.

Then came the pounding from outside.

Yu Wan Yin held her breath, listening for a moment. The heavy stone door stood firm. She felt drained, sliding down the nearest wall to sit.

Inside the chamber, pitch black, only the Empress Dowager’s groans could be heard.

A group of conspirators, now bound by fate in the darkness of a tomb.

Yu Wan Yin belatedly noticed severe pain in her shoulder. She raised a hand to feel the cut from a concealed weapon.

She gasped in pain.

Xiahou Dan: “Are you hurt?”

His voice was very close, as if he was sitting right next to her. Yu Wan Yin reached out, finding his hand and gently holding it.

Not wanting to worry him, she replied lightly, “No.”

Xiahou Dan’s fingers were cold. He traced up her wrist to the edge of the wound.

“Tur,” he asked softly, “were the ambushers’ weapons also poisoned?”

Tur: “?”

Tur: “Do you misunderstand? I don’t even know who sent the ambushers. Was it that brother of yours?”

Xiahou Dan: “…”

Can this man really succeed in turning things around and killing the Yan King?

A dark guard’s voice came from the corner, “Your Majesty, I was also lightly wounded by a concealed weapon but didn’t feel any poison.” He thought Xiahou Dan was concerned about the Empress Dowager, though puzzled, he dutifully reported, “But the Empress Dowager’s injuries are severe and need prompt bandaging.”

Xiahou Dan didn’t respond.

The pounding on the door continued fiercely, but the stone door only trembled slightly, not shifting.

Yu Wan Yin relaxed a bit, whispering in Xiahou Dan’s ear, “The stability of a triangle.”

Xiahou Dan actually laughed, “The wisdom of the ancients.”

They held each other’s hands, listening quietly to the sounds outside.

After a while, the pounding weakened, replaced by the clash of weapons.

The imperial guards had finally arrived.

The attackers, overwhelmed, were trapped in the underground palace. After a brief resistance, the sounds of battle faded.

Someone called out to the stone door, “Your Majesty? Empress Dowager?”

Bei Zhou, using his inner strength, sent his voice out, “We are inside.”

The person outside rejoiced, “Please wait, Your Majesty. We will fetch tools to break the door!”

In the darkness, the Empress Dowager suddenly cursed, followed by Bei Zhou’s cold voice, “Stay still.”

Yu Wan Yin: “What happened?”

Bei Zhou: “This woman tried to attack Dan’er. I stopped her.”

Yu Wan Yin was stunned. To have contended with Prince Duan for so many years, indeed, she was ruthless. Even at this point, she hadn’t forgotten her true intentions.

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